The Anxiety and Stress

This is another extended family related post.

I have been unable to shake the stress and anxiety I am feeling over the extended family coming out to visit.  I honestly don't want people here at all.  Everything nasty my in-laws have ever said about me before their two year cut out from our lives is coming back in full force.  At this point, I don't even know why we allowed them back into our lives.  I guess it was my "guilt" of wanting them to know their granddaughter.  We allowed them back into our lives about a month before Carleigh was born in 2009.  Since I know their true feelings about me, I'm trying to understand why I allow them around me at all and let them in my home twice a year.  If it wasn't for having their grandchildren, they would more than likely still be cut out of our lives.  I'm tired of having these two faced people in my home.  I'm tired of hearing about what Heath's dad doesn't like about our house, as if I'm suppose to give a fuck what he thinks anyway.  Examples, "I don't like your cats.", "I don't like your couch.", "Are you sure you can afford this house?", etc... First of all, I don't give a shit if you don't like items in my home.  Furnish your own home how YOU like it.  Second, mind your own business when it comes to our finances.  Obviously we can afford our house, you twit.  We don't own two brand new cars and don't rack up debt just to keep up with the Joneses.  We have one car paid off and another to follow soon.  And once the second car is paid off, we are not going to go out and buy another new car just so we can pay someone a monthly payment for the next three to five years again.  I'm sorry my in-laws chose to pay $900/mo for their brand new cars.  That's their deal.

Last post, I said I wanted visiting hours to be from 11am-7pm.  But as their visiting dates get closer, I'd love more than anything to move that time from 11am-4pm.  They don't need to be here for dinner every night.  Nor do they need to be here eight hours a day.  Since I start my new job tonight, my hours will be 6pm-11pm on the weeknights.  I'm only working 20 hours a week.  So I'd like to not have them here all day and deal with them up until the time I leave for work.  Right now, I have Sunday, Monday and Thursday off.  If my schedule stays the same, which it more than likely will, I'd only have Thursday off and away from them during their visit.  I'm not including Monday since they are getting in late that night.  And we're only getting Thursday to ourselves because Heath has to work that day.  Heath told them to find their own things to do on Thursday.

I'm also irritated because Heath wasn't home with me very long after Amelia was born.  He had to save up his PTO for when his parent's were going to come out and visit.  I wish we would not have chosen that route.  Who gives a crap if he didn't have enough PTO for their inconvenient visit?  Nobody asked them to come out to see us for an entire week.  I would have rather had Heath home for a week after Amelia was born to help out around the house.  Instead, he went back to work four days after Amelia was born.  It's not my problem if Heath didn't have vacation time when his parent's came out.  They need to learn that we can't drop everything going on in our lives just to cater to them when they fly out here.  Yes, we live in Las Vegas, but that doesn't mean we can drop everything and go and explore the city and do everything they want to do.  They can go vacation in a different state if that's what they want to do.

Then my mom seemed disappointed when I told her I had to work at least 20 hours a week, even during their visit.  I'm sorry that money doesn't magically appear in our bank account when I chose not to work.  We have bills to pay too.  This part-time job is to help pay off our credit card debts and get more money into savings.  I told her I could try to shift my work schedule around a little bit, but either way, I'd still need 20 hours a week and some of those working days would cut into their visit.  But honestly, I don't go into work until 6pm!  I told her they would still have the entire day to visit until I have to go into work.  It's not the end of the freaking world.  Or is it?

I just can't take it anymore.  I've been trying to lose weight since Amelia has been born.  That weight loss was going well until this stress and anxiety started.  I weighed myself this morning and I gained another two pounds.  Gained!  I got really poor sleep last night because my mind would not turn off from all of this stress.

My mom's crazy is showing again.  I swear she thinks she is psychic.  When I was pregnant, before my mom knew, she told me her and my aunt (her sister) had a dream that I was pregnant.  At that point, I wanted to deny it, but decided not to when I would just announce my pregnancy a few weeks later.  So I said, "Yes, it's me.  I am pregnant... but don't tell anyone yet."  My mom's response was, "OK."  Then a couple of minutes later, my mom said, "I'm texting your aunt right now to tell her her dream was right and that you are pregnant."  WTF?  I just told you NOT to tell anyone.  Then last night, my mom told me her and my aunt (again, her sister) had a dream that four people are pregnant.  My mom said, "I know Ashley (my best friend) is pregnant and I just found out a girl I work with is pregnant.  So we still have two other people not accounted for."  Ugh... So I flat out said to my mom, "you know, dreams are just that dreams.  It doesn't really mean anything."  She said, "I know, but those two other pregnant girls will turn up soon."  OMG, STFU.  I'm tired of it.

Honestly, I've had enough and I just don't want to deal with the crazy anymore.  I decided this morning that we (our little family of four) will celebrate Carleigh's birthday a week before her actual birthday.  Probably on June 22.  Her birthday is June 27.  We can give her her gifts, have some cake, and let her spend her day how she wants to.  The only thing I'll do on Carleigh's actual birthday is say, "Happy birthday!" and leave it at that.  She will be able to have fun and play with friend's before my in-law's get here.  Will that be a big enough hint that they (in-law's) don't need to be here on Carleigh's exact birth date every year?

I think I've vented enough, but I'm sure I'm not done.  I'd just like to go back to feeling normal again.

Family Invasion

It's that time of year again when our parent's fly into Las Vegas to visit.  I am so not looking forward to it.  We told both sets of parent's we didn't want visitors until Amelia was at least three months old.  Surprisingly, everyone listened to our request.  Shocker!  Heath's parent's booked a flight out here almost immediately after Amelia was born.  They chose the last week of June, which also covers Carleigh's 5th birthday.  Yes, they are coming out here for an entire week.  They never confirmed with us if that was a good time or if we even wanted to deal with them for a full week.  Honestly, I don't want them here that long.  Since it's the end of June, it's going to be hot.  Really freaking hot.  We won't be going anywhere.  Just hanging out at home and relaxing.  It's what we do all the time if we don't have any errands.

So now, I'm going to have the in-law's in my house for an entire week, driving me up the wall, and making me want to drink wine from the moment I wake up and until I go to bed.  I already told Heath I wanted visiting hours to be from 11am-7pm.  Eight hours is still too long to have people crowding up our house.  His dad even had the audacity to ask if he could fly Heath's brother out.  Yeah, not happening.  That dumbass called me a C-bomb many years ago when we wouldn't let him get HIS way for our wedding.  That's a whole other story.  I also don't want Heath's brother here because he has never acknowledged Carleigh, so why would I want him here ignoring Amelia too?  Forget about it.

I think Heath's dad wants his brother out here so he will have a drinking buddy at the casino.  Since Heath doesn't go out and get drunk all the time, Heath's dad probably feels he needs someone here to do that with.  His brother (in his mid-20s) still lives at home with mommy & daddy.  He would only want to come to Las Vegas on someone else's dime so he can get drunk on someone else's dime.  He would have ZERO interest in his nieces.  I just don't have the tolerance to deal with a moocher and his enabling parent's all at once.  Besides, anyone who has called me a C-bomb isn't welcomed in my house.

My parent's are coming out for four days the first week of June.  My mom insisted she come out and visit before Heath's mom because, her words, "I'm your mom!"  Okay... whatever that means.  It's not going to make any damn difference who meets Amelia first.  It's so childish.

I'm tired of having family out here for every birthday of Carleigh's.  I don't mind if people want to come out a week before or after her actual birthday.  I just want to be able to throw a party for Carleigh where her neighborhood and school friend's can be invited.  Sure, I could do that with family visiting, but it would be too stressful.  I don't think Carleigh would be able to truly have a good time with grandparent's chasing her around and wanting to hold her, hug her, kiss her, etc the entire time she's having her party.  I'm also putting my foot down for Amelia's birthday too.  Heath's parent's come out twice a year.  So I know they will start choosing both girls' birthday weekends to come out.  I just don't want to deal with it.  I don't care if it sounds petty, I just want to celebrate my daughters' birthday's without being stressed out because people invite themselves to our house for however long they want.

I already told Heath to tell his parent's from now on, the longest amount of time I want people visiting is four days max.  If anyone wants to fly out here for a week, that's fine.  Just find something else to do those remaining days.  My mom already knows these rules and she knows I'll enforce them.  The in-laws?  Who knows.  Boundary stomping is a hobby of theirs.

As you can see, I am totally NOT looking forward to family coming out to visit.

You're Not My Interior Designer

Can I go on a rant for the next five minutes?

My father-in-law has said he doesn't like our couch.  He thinks it's uncomfortable.  Heath & I love it.  We bought it a couple of years ago when we had to throw out our old leather couch due to damages.  Our couch is a five piece sectional and it's microfiber.  It's a great couch for a house with kid's and pets.  The couch is comfortable for us.  Carleigh always takes naps on it, so it can't be that horrible.  And honestly, if you only come out to visit twice a year, stop complaining.  If you hate our couch, sit your ass on the floor.  Let me know how comfortable that is.

So anyway, my father-in-law kept calling Heath and leaving voicemails today.  He even sent a text that was like, "Can you please call me back NOW!!"  something like that.  When Heath saw that, he was thinking it was some kind of emergency, so while we were shopping, Heath calls his dad back.  I could overhear Heath talking about leather.  So I turn around and just give him that "seriously, is that what was SO important?" look.  His dad kept calling us over a COUCH he saw at Sam's Club.  He told Heath that they found a "nice" leather couch and chair set at Sam's Club for $700 and wanted to buy it for us for Christmas because our couch isn't that great and because of our "situation".  I don't really know what "situation" he's referring to.  First of all, I don't want leather furniture in my house.  Not because it sucks, but because we are going to have not one, but two young kids and pets.  I'll pass on all leather furniture until we're old and retired.  Second of all, you're not our interior decorator.  Stop trying to buy furniture for our house.  If he liked that set, he should've bought it for his own damn house.  Just saying.

I cannot stand the meddling.  I think he assumes that since we are going to have two kid's and plan to go one income or me working part-time only that we won't be able to afford anything ever again.  He forgets that we are being responsible and not buying two brand new cars every six months.  Good for him if he makes six figures, but that doesn't make you "rich" by any means.  We have one car paid off and another to follow within the next five to six months.  There will be some other random small debts paid off too.  If I continued to work full-time and had two kid's in daycare, then we would have a "situation" on our hands because that would be about $1,500/mo for two kid's in daycare.

I just wish they would shut the hell up and worry about themselves.  I'm tired of having them make decisions for our family as if we can't make them for ourselves.  I'm tired of them assuming we have money troubles.  I'm tired of them assuming we can't do anything for ourselves.  They have their adult son (25) living with them still because I know they do the same shit to him too.  He enjoys it, so he figures why should he ever move out.

All I'm saying is, please let us purchase our own furniture for our house and stop complaining about the furniture we bought.  I really don't care if you think our couch is uncomfortable.  That's not my problem.  We bought our couch because it was comfortable for us.  It makes us happy, so deal with it.  Sit on some plastic $5 chair from Walmart if you hate our couch that much.  No one is stopping you from bringing your own chair.