The Anxiety and Stress

This is another extended family related post.

I have been unable to shake the stress and anxiety I am feeling over the extended family coming out to visit.  I honestly don't want people here at all.  Everything nasty my in-laws have ever said about me before their two year cut out from our lives is coming back in full force.  At this point, I don't even know why we allowed them back into our lives.  I guess it was my "guilt" of wanting them to know their granddaughter.  We allowed them back into our lives about a month before Carleigh was born in 2009.  Since I know their true feelings about me, I'm trying to understand why I allow them around me at all and let them in my home twice a year.  If it wasn't for having their grandchildren, they would more than likely still be cut out of our lives.  I'm tired of having these two faced people in my home.  I'm tired of hearing about what Heath's dad doesn't like about our house, as if I'm suppose to give a fuck what he thinks anyway.  Examples, "I don't like your cats.", "I don't like your couch.", "Are you sure you can afford this house?", etc... First of all, I don't give a shit if you don't like items in my home.  Furnish your own home how YOU like it.  Second, mind your own business when it comes to our finances.  Obviously we can afford our house, you twit.  We don't own two brand new cars and don't rack up debt just to keep up with the Joneses.  We have one car paid off and another to follow soon.  And once the second car is paid off, we are not going to go out and buy another new car just so we can pay someone a monthly payment for the next three to five years again.  I'm sorry my in-laws chose to pay $900/mo for their brand new cars.  That's their deal.

Last post, I said I wanted visiting hours to be from 11am-7pm.  But as their visiting dates get closer, I'd love more than anything to move that time from 11am-4pm.  They don't need to be here for dinner every night.  Nor do they need to be here eight hours a day.  Since I start my new job tonight, my hours will be 6pm-11pm on the weeknights.  I'm only working 20 hours a week.  So I'd like to not have them here all day and deal with them up until the time I leave for work.  Right now, I have Sunday, Monday and Thursday off.  If my schedule stays the same, which it more than likely will, I'd only have Thursday off and away from them during their visit.  I'm not including Monday since they are getting in late that night.  And we're only getting Thursday to ourselves because Heath has to work that day.  Heath told them to find their own things to do on Thursday.

I'm also irritated because Heath wasn't home with me very long after Amelia was born.  He had to save up his PTO for when his parent's were going to come out and visit.  I wish we would not have chosen that route.  Who gives a crap if he didn't have enough PTO for their inconvenient visit?  Nobody asked them to come out to see us for an entire week.  I would have rather had Heath home for a week after Amelia was born to help out around the house.  Instead, he went back to work four days after Amelia was born.  It's not my problem if Heath didn't have vacation time when his parent's came out.  They need to learn that we can't drop everything going on in our lives just to cater to them when they fly out here.  Yes, we live in Las Vegas, but that doesn't mean we can drop everything and go and explore the city and do everything they want to do.  They can go vacation in a different state if that's what they want to do.

Then my mom seemed disappointed when I told her I had to work at least 20 hours a week, even during their visit.  I'm sorry that money doesn't magically appear in our bank account when I chose not to work.  We have bills to pay too.  This part-time job is to help pay off our credit card debts and get more money into savings.  I told her I could try to shift my work schedule around a little bit, but either way, I'd still need 20 hours a week and some of those working days would cut into their visit.  But honestly, I don't go into work until 6pm!  I told her they would still have the entire day to visit until I have to go into work.  It's not the end of the freaking world.  Or is it?

I just can't take it anymore.  I've been trying to lose weight since Amelia has been born.  That weight loss was going well until this stress and anxiety started.  I weighed myself this morning and I gained another two pounds.  Gained!  I got really poor sleep last night because my mind would not turn off from all of this stress.

My mom's crazy is showing again.  I swear she thinks she is psychic.  When I was pregnant, before my mom knew, she told me her and my aunt (her sister) had a dream that I was pregnant.  At that point, I wanted to deny it, but decided not to when I would just announce my pregnancy a few weeks later.  So I said, "Yes, it's me.  I am pregnant... but don't tell anyone yet."  My mom's response was, "OK."  Then a couple of minutes later, my mom said, "I'm texting your aunt right now to tell her her dream was right and that you are pregnant."  WTF?  I just told you NOT to tell anyone.  Then last night, my mom told me her and my aunt (again, her sister) had a dream that four people are pregnant.  My mom said, "I know Ashley (my best friend) is pregnant and I just found out a girl I work with is pregnant.  So we still have two other people not accounted for."  Ugh... So I flat out said to my mom, "you know, dreams are just that dreams.  It doesn't really mean anything."  She said, "I know, but those two other pregnant girls will turn up soon."  OMG, STFU.  I'm tired of it.

Honestly, I've had enough and I just don't want to deal with the crazy anymore.  I decided this morning that we (our little family of four) will celebrate Carleigh's birthday a week before her actual birthday.  Probably on June 22.  Her birthday is June 27.  We can give her her gifts, have some cake, and let her spend her day how she wants to.  The only thing I'll do on Carleigh's actual birthday is say, "Happy birthday!" and leave it at that.  She will be able to have fun and play with friend's before my in-law's get here.  Will that be a big enough hint that they (in-law's) don't need to be here on Carleigh's exact birth date every year?

I think I've vented enough, but I'm sure I'm not done.  I'd just like to go back to feeling normal again.

It's Been One Week

Today was my one week checkup for my Lasik.  Things still look great.  While doing the eye test, I missed one letter on the 20/15 line and I was only able to read one letter on the 20/10 line.  I'm okay with that though.  There was no way in heck I was expecting eagle vision.  The tear duct plug in my left eye had popped out some time over the week and the doctor put it back in.  She told me to come back at any time it pops out.  It popped out again after I got back to work.  So yes, I was at the Lasik office twice today.  The doctor put in a smaller plug in hopes the plug would stay in, but that didn't work either.  She said my tear duct in my left eye may be shallower than my right and that's why I am having issues with them staying in.  Since I haven't been experiencing dry eyes, she took the plug out of my left eye and told me to come back for a permanent plug if there is dryness.  So far, so good.  My next checkup is July 10 and I am hoping I can get every single letter on the 20/15 line.

For Carleigh's birthday parties, I ordered a Hello Kitty (this week) and a Dora the Explorer (next week) cake.  I love the cakes from Sam's Club.  We ordered her an Angry Birds cake last year from that and it was delicious.  Carleigh wanted a Minnie Mouse cake, but no one had just a Minnie Mouse cake and I didn't feel like going to a cake shop to order one.  Maybe next year I'll get her a really cute fondant Minnie Mouse cake from one of our local bakeries.

After work on Friday, I'll be getting the Jaguar a much needed bath.  That car hasn't been washed since before we left for Phoenix over Memorial Day weekend.  It's a disaster and totally embarrassing to be cruising around town in a dirty car.  There is no rain in the forecast so far.  I'm sure we will get some surprise storms roll through a couple of days after the car is washed.  It always happens.

There will probably be no more updates to my blog until Monday since we will have family in town over the weekend.

Summer Colds

For the past week, I've been stuck with a cold.  It started Friday morning when I woke up with a sore throat.  It really hit me Tuesday when I could barely talk, had a nasty cough, and a runny nose.  I took the day off from work so I could let my voice come back.  On Wednesday, I went back to work when I should have just stayed home.  My nose was dry and having the dry heat here in Las Vegas definitely was not helping.  I got a bloody nose three times at work and once at home.  It was awful.  While at work yesterday, I requested today off in case I needed it.  I'm not as sick as I was on Tuesday and Wednesday, but it was a good idea to let my body heal itself.  We, as a team at work, will be doing volunteer work at Goodwill tomorrow.  It's something I really want to do and don't want to let the team down and skip out because of an illness.  So it was a good idea to stay home and rest.  My voice isn't 100% back yet, but at least my nose isn't a faucet today.  My only issue is the coughing fits I get.  The cough medicine helps.

Next week is my big surgery date for Lasik.  I am really looking forward to it.  I'm more excited to go shopping for a pair of sunglasses this weekend, even though it's going to be 111 degrees.  At least the mall has air conditioning.  I also have to purchase decorations and order cakes for Carleigh's birthday parties.  She will be having two since our families will be flying in on separate weekends.  The parties will be on the 22nd (Heath's family) and the 29th (my parent's).  It would have been nice if everyone would just agree to come out and visit for the same weekend, but whatever.

My biggest rant with family coming out to visit is the time frame people chose.  Everyone is flying in on a Friday evening, landing around 10pm.  That means that will arrive at their hotels around 11:30pm-12am.  Then they fly out on Monday afternoon.  That means we will only get to visit with them on Saturday & Sunday.  The parties will be held on Saturday afternoon.  My mother-in-law wants to take Carleigh shopping on Saturday for her presents, but we won't have time to do it.  She can go shopping before stopping over at our house.  The party starts at 1pm.  So yeah, I'm not really sure how these two weekends will turn out.  My dad has a $100 dining voucher for the casino they are staying at and they want us to eat with them to make sure they use it all.  That means, let's eat $100 worth of food on Sunday.  They don't really need us to eat with them though.  This is Las Vegas.  It's easy to spend $100 at dinner with two people.  My parent's chose a casino that is kind of far from our house and I'm really not in the mood to drive that far, but again, whatever.  No one ever listens to me.  When I tell you a casino is far from our house, and then give you a suggestion for a casino much closer (and off strip), maybe you should take my advice.  After all, I live in this city and know my way around and which casinos are good places to stay.  And to finish, since everyone will only be here for two full days, they will all complain and say, "I really wish we had more time to spend with Carleigh."  And my reply will be, "Well, I didn't book your flights."

I just had to get that off my chest.  Feels great.  :)