Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Anxiety and Stress

This is another extended family related post.

I have been unable to shake the stress and anxiety I am feeling over the extended family coming out to visit.  I honestly don't want people here at all.  Everything nasty my in-laws have ever said about me before their two year cut out from our lives is coming back in full force.  At this point, I don't even know why we allowed them back into our lives.  I guess it was my "guilt" of wanting them to know their granddaughter.  We allowed them back into our lives about a month before Carleigh was born in 2009.  Since I know their true feelings about me, I'm trying to understand why I allow them around me at all and let them in my home twice a year.  If it wasn't for having their grandchildren, they would more than likely still be cut out of our lives.  I'm tired of having these two faced people in my home.  I'm tired of hearing about what Heath's dad doesn't like about our house, as if I'm suppose to give a fuck what he thinks anyway.  Examples, "I don't like your cats.", "I don't like your couch.", "Are you sure you can afford this house?", etc... First of all, I don't give a shit if you don't like items in my home.  Furnish your own home how YOU like it.  Second, mind your own business when it comes to our finances.  Obviously we can afford our house, you twit.  We don't own two brand new cars and don't rack up debt just to keep up with the Joneses.  We have one car paid off and another to follow soon.  And once the second car is paid off, we are not going to go out and buy another new car just so we can pay someone a monthly payment for the next three to five years again.  I'm sorry my in-laws chose to pay $900/mo for their brand new cars.  That's their deal.

Last post, I said I wanted visiting hours to be from 11am-7pm.  But as their visiting dates get closer, I'd love more than anything to move that time from 11am-4pm.  They don't need to be here for dinner every night.  Nor do they need to be here eight hours a day.  Since I start my new job tonight, my hours will be 6pm-11pm on the weeknights.  I'm only working 20 hours a week.  So I'd like to not have them here all day and deal with them up until the time I leave for work.  Right now, I have Sunday, Monday and Thursday off.  If my schedule stays the same, which it more than likely will, I'd only have Thursday off and away from them during their visit.  I'm not including Monday since they are getting in late that night.  And we're only getting Thursday to ourselves because Heath has to work that day.  Heath told them to find their own things to do on Thursday.

I'm also irritated because Heath wasn't home with me very long after Amelia was born.  He had to save up his PTO for when his parent's were going to come out and visit.  I wish we would not have chosen that route.  Who gives a crap if he didn't have enough PTO for their inconvenient visit?  Nobody asked them to come out to see us for an entire week.  I would have rather had Heath home for a week after Amelia was born to help out around the house.  Instead, he went back to work four days after Amelia was born.  It's not my problem if Heath didn't have vacation time when his parent's came out.  They need to learn that we can't drop everything going on in our lives just to cater to them when they fly out here.  Yes, we live in Las Vegas, but that doesn't mean we can drop everything and go and explore the city and do everything they want to do.  They can go vacation in a different state if that's what they want to do.

Then my mom seemed disappointed when I told her I had to work at least 20 hours a week, even during their visit.  I'm sorry that money doesn't magically appear in our bank account when I chose not to work.  We have bills to pay too.  This part-time job is to help pay off our credit card debts and get more money into savings.  I told her I could try to shift my work schedule around a little bit, but either way, I'd still need 20 hours a week and some of those working days would cut into their visit.  But honestly, I don't go into work until 6pm!  I told her they would still have the entire day to visit until I have to go into work.  It's not the end of the freaking world.  Or is it?

I just can't take it anymore.  I've been trying to lose weight since Amelia has been born.  That weight loss was going well until this stress and anxiety started.  I weighed myself this morning and I gained another two pounds.  Gained!  I got really poor sleep last night because my mind would not turn off from all of this stress.

My mom's crazy is showing again.  I swear she thinks she is psychic.  When I was pregnant, before my mom knew, she told me her and my aunt (her sister) had a dream that I was pregnant.  At that point, I wanted to deny it, but decided not to when I would just announce my pregnancy a few weeks later.  So I said, "Yes, it's me.  I am pregnant... but don't tell anyone yet."  My mom's response was, "OK."  Then a couple of minutes later, my mom said, "I'm texting your aunt right now to tell her her dream was right and that you are pregnant."  WTF?  I just told you NOT to tell anyone.  Then last night, my mom told me her and my aunt (again, her sister) had a dream that four people are pregnant.  My mom said, "I know Ashley (my best friend) is pregnant and I just found out a girl I work with is pregnant.  So we still have two other people not accounted for."  Ugh... So I flat out said to my mom, "you know, dreams are just that dreams.  It doesn't really mean anything."  She said, "I know, but those two other pregnant girls will turn up soon."  OMG, STFU.  I'm tired of it.

Honestly, I've had enough and I just don't want to deal with the crazy anymore.  I decided this morning that we (our little family of four) will celebrate Carleigh's birthday a week before her actual birthday.  Probably on June 22.  Her birthday is June 27.  We can give her her gifts, have some cake, and let her spend her day how she wants to.  The only thing I'll do on Carleigh's actual birthday is say, "Happy birthday!" and leave it at that.  She will be able to have fun and play with friend's before my in-law's get here.  Will that be a big enough hint that they (in-law's) don't need to be here on Carleigh's exact birth date every year?

I think I've vented enough, but I'm sure I'm not done.  I'd just like to go back to feeling normal again.

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